What is an Energy Vampire?

What is an Energy Vampire?

Energy vampires are people who — sometimes intentionally — drain your emotional energy.

They feed on your willingness to listen and care for them, leaving you exhausted and overwhelmed.

Energy vampires can be anywhere and anyone. They can be your spouse, best friend or family member. They can be your closest work colleague, boss or your neighbour.

Learning how to identify and respond to this toxic behaviour can help you preserve your energy and protect yourself from a great deal of emotional — and physical — distress.

Read on to learn more about how an energy vampire acts and what you can do next.

They never accept accountability

Energy vampires are often charismatic. They may tiptoe out of trouble when problems arise because of this charm.

They’re astute and may attach problems on someone else in almost every situation.

They never accept accountability for their role in any disagreement or issue. You’re often left holding the guilt — and possibly the blame.

For example:

  • “I can’t believe no one could get this right. What an embarrassment!”
  • “He walked through the door.  Without a greeting, he kept getting angry at me, and I still don’t know what I did.”

They are always involved in some kind of drama

Energy vampires always find themselves in the middle of a problem, thrashing from target to target with their emotional and dramatic behaviour.

When they have alighted on you, they cast this drama onto you in the hope you will absorb it, fix it, and right their wrongs.

For example:

  • “Why am I always the target for others emotional dumping? I don’t deserve this.”
  • “I just can’t take this anymore. I didn’t do anything to my family members, but they have just stopped talking to me.”

They always have one-up on you

An energy vampire never likes to be outdone, and they are not keen to share the spotlight. This is one of their many narcissistic tendencies.

They struggle to feel genuine happiness for another person. Instead, they prefer to pull energy to feed their emotional demands.

For example:

  • “I am really excited for you and your new business.  I was thinking of updating my website, do you mind helping me proofread and publish my website?
  • “I am so proud of you! Only three more years of study before you  catch up with me!”

They diminish your problems and play up their own

Energy vampires feed off your emotional energy. And if you are sad or upset, your energy supplies are diminishing.

To drain the most energy from you, energy vampires will shift the attention of the discussion to themselves, turning your dismay into their emotional buffet.

For example:

  • “I know your job doesn’t pay well, but at least your job is fun. You must help me find a new job.”
  • “You’re super swamped with work at the moment, and I get it, but I really, really need to talk to you about helping me with my work load.”

They act like a martyr

Energy vampires place their problems evenly on the shoulders of other people. They take no responsibility for their contributions to their difficulties.

What they’re seeking is emotional support to boost their self-esteem.

For example:

  • “He is always so irrational. I do the best I can, but it’s just never enough.”
  • “When the day starts off bad, it only gets worse.”

They use your good nature against you

People who are sensitive and compassionate are prime targets for energy vampires. You offer a listening ear, a kind heart, and endless energy.

In that way, energy vampires use your true nature against you, draining you of your liveliness and happiness.

For example:

  • They dominate your time at every social occasion so they can have as much of your energy as they can possibly gain.
  • They know you will feel guilty turning them down for coffee or a dinner date, so they regularly ask.

They use guilt trips or ultimatums

Energy vampires often rely on guilt trips to get what they want. They know shame is a great weapon against people who are compassionate and caring.

Likewise, ultimatums are an effective way to capture a person’s attention and coerce them into doing something they otherwise may not want to do.

For example:

  • “I don’t know how you expect me to make it without you. I need you to be part of this process.”
  • “If you really care for me, you will do as I ask of you; call him and tell him how much I love him.”

They are codependent

Codependency is a type of relationship where every action is designed to elicit a certain reaction from the other individual.

It’s a vicious cycle of behaviour, but energy vampires rarely recognise that they are in them.

They use these relationships — often romantic ones — to continue spinning a cycle of drama and emotional need.

For example:

  • “I know this isn’t a good relationship, but it’s so much better than trying to get over him and learn to go on dates again.”
  • “If I just ignore him for a few days, he will totally beg for forgiveness and come crawling back.”

They criticize or bully

At their core, energy vampires are often insecure. They may use dehumanising tactics and criticisms to keep their “prey” insecure, too.

In this state, you feel like you owe them your attention and should continue to work to stop the unwarranted attacks.

For example:

  • “I was too stupid to expect better from you. Everyone else treats me like garbage, so why not you?”
  • “You were in over your head from the beginning, and I told you that.”

They intimidate

One step removed from criticising or bullying you, intimidation is a tool some energy vampires turn to when they need to stir up some emotional turmoil.

Fear is a very strong emotional reaction. If an energy vampire can upset you, they can bolster their ego.

For example:

  • “I will not tell you this again and again.”
  • “You do not deserve a promotion. You have not proven that you really want it.”

Why it matters and what to do

Energy vampires demand a lot from the people they target.

This continuous drain on your resources can have a noticeable effect on your well-being. Over time, excess stress can lead to anxiety, depression, heart issues, and a general feeling of dis-ease.

That is why it is important to recognise the behaviours and then work to remove them.

This may involve putting up walls to protect against an energy vampire’s efforts — or removing the person from your life entirely.

The ideas below may not work for everyone. Try them and mold your approach as you go until you’re able to feel in control and protected.

Establish boundaries

Although this may be easier said than done at first, you can and should develop areas of your life where you will not allow an energy vampire to enter.

Do not agree to social events like dinner or coffee dates. Avoid weekend trips and other extended events where they will be in attendance.

At work, you can limit interactions between the two of you by not agreeing to lunches and not stopping by their desk to chat.

You may need to start small, focusing on a few areas, and then expand.

Adjust your expectations

You cannot fix an energy vampire, but you can reshape your expectations about them.

This may involve shutting off your emotional valve and not offering advice when they vent their problems to you.

This may also mean you cannot use them as any type of emotional release either. They will want to reciprocate.

Don’t give them an inch

If the energy vampire calls, stops by, or texts, do not give them the room.

Offer an excuse — “I’m too tired” or “I’m too busy” will do. You could say that you have got plans or do not feel well.

When they keep interfacing with excuses and not getting the emotional energy they need, they will look elsewhere.

Guard your emotional capacity

Energy vampires use nonverbal cues to know when they have someone on the hook.

Your facial expression, the way you lean in, how you your body language extends to them — an energy vampire can take these as signs of your investment.

If you instead offer stone-faced responses and only offer short statement to their questions, you will not open yourself up to their demands, and you can reserve your energy for you.

Cut them out entirely

In most cases, you have the freedom to exclude this person from your life entirely. This may seem dramatic, but you have to remember that you are protecting yourself in the end.

The take-away

By recognising these behaviours and trying to put an end to it, you are protecting yourself, your physical health, spiritual health and your overall mental health and well-being.

No one deserves to be mistreated or used in this manner. It is certainly not your fault.

Some people refuse to accept responsibility for their own emotional maturity — and that is not yours to carry.

Reiki Healings offer the ability to heal from an energy vampire and boost your overall general well-being.  Once you have been healed you will also benefit from a sense of negative release as any negative attachments an energy vampire has over you, will be sent back to Source and transmuted into positive energy, light and love.

Remember, that when it comes to looking out for your own energy and well-being around energy vampires, you are not being selfish, you are practicing good self-care, Jenny says. Doing so, keeps you from getting overwhelmed, anxious and sick.

Reiki with Zen encourages you to find your inner peace by setting your boundaries and protecting yourself from any further energy vampires entering your sacred space.  We do this by protecting ourselves with a bright, white, clean light, encasing ourselves with the love and protection of God, Source, the Universe.
Wishing you well on terminating the Energy Vampire/s in your life.

You do not need to be a doormat!

You can book your Reiki Healing at Reiki with Zen and reset your life: fresh, full of life and full of energy, minus the Energy Vampire!

Wishing you a blessed week ahead!

Jenny Dimokas
Master Reiki Teacher
Essential Lightworker

M: 0461 342 544

Website: www.reikiwithzen.com

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